Yes, every marriage is different or so I heard, but there are certain feelings and experiences that apply to husbands and wives here, there and everywhere. Check out the 19 funny tweets below which only married people will understand.
Marriage is essentially two people taking turns pushing down the top of the kitchen garbage so they don't have to take it out.
— Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) May 20, 2016
87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 3, 2016
My wife & I just snoozed 2 separate alarm clocks for 2.5 hrs. This is the exact relationship I hoped for.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) May 18, 2016
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/Mr_Kapowski/status/729828577563156480
https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/731900258687565825
https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/719206188018229248
me: HONEY COME DOWN to THE BASEMENT!
wife: are u dressed as Pickachu again?
me: NO NO, ITS AN EMERGENCY
wife: ok
me: pic.twitter.com/iFzsSOMQuZ— Mr. Peel (@Rlpihl) May 13, 2016
[in bed]
Me: I like the sound of that. What are you doing under those covers?
Wife: Stirring mac and cheese.
Me: oh hell yeah
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) April 14, 2016
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
https://twitter.com/bourgeoisalien/status/727302111197720576
Most of your time being married is spent saying, "I never heard you say that."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 11, 2016
🎶 You take the good, you take the bad, you took the leftovers, now I'm mad. 🎶
-The Facts of Wife
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/scorpicpanda/status/711683976834846720
[watching a video of melted cheese being poured on food]
Husband: Whatcha doing?
Me: PORN— Jen (@lionheaded_) April 17, 2016
My wife & I are pretty sure if we make coffee, we can stay awake to watch a movie after 9 PM. So yeah, I'd say we keep it lit.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 16, 2016
https://twitter.com/iwearaonesie/status/732275783696289793
That moment when you turn a corner and scare the hell out of each other and then you both get mad like it was on purpose.
– Marriage
— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) May 6, 2016