15 Funny Comebacks to Save For Later

Have you ever experienced being speechless with outrage after being insulted or criticized to your face, only to think of an awesomely cool comeback a few minutes after? You find yourself waiting for an opportunity to use it, which may never happen, and it can be darned frustrating.

Rather than finding yourself at a loss with a witty riposte in the future, have some at the ready for just the right moment. None of these use any type of swear word, so you can comfortably kiss your mother with those lips. Here are 15 funny comebacks to save for later.

Twit

It’s funny how most people are unaware of how foolish they sound, so they just keep talking.  And it’s not valid for foreigners (English may sound funny for them) While there’s an off-chance it might make them smarter to keep talking, ignorance is usually hardwired into the brain. So, it might be better to stop them there and then with these comebacks so no one gets hurt.

1. You should sign up as a brain donor. They pay top price for unused ones.
2. Go on talking. I always start yawning when I’m fascinated.
3. I really think it’s cute when you talk about things you don’t understand.
4. Did you have to take lessons, or are you naturally stupid?
5. I never knew stupidity was contagious, but I just felt my IQ go down several points just listening to you.

Bonus: Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you had gotten enough oxygen when you were being born?

Fashion failures

You will often hear people make negative comments about the looks or clothes of others when they aren’t exactly beautiful themselves. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Here are some one-liners you can use to bring them back to earth with a thud.

6. Whatever look you were going for, you failed.
7. I didn’t know they had a clearance sale, where’d you buy your shirt?
8. I have to say you looked a lot better from a distance.
9. I am forcibly reminded that God has a sense of humor every time I look at you.
10. Did you have an accident with the blowdryer again?

Bonus: You look like you hit every branch when you fell down the ugly tree.

Jerks

We all know someone that makes our toes itch every time they are around. They are the self-righteous, smug, sanctimonious, and all-around A-holes you don’t need a proctologist to identify for you. Give them a dose of their own medicine with these whoppers.

11. Being such a class A jerk must be exhausting, why don’t you take a day off?
12. Is it healthy to be so full of shit all the time?
13. Well, somebody took some b**** pills today.
14. If you’re waiting for me to pile on, I hope you didn’t bet any money on it.
15. Do you remember the time I asked for your opinion? Neither can I.

Bonus: Nobody hates you, but if you caught on fire, nobody would put you out either.

“Yo mama” may be a quick comeback to anyone who needs to be brought down a peg or two, but why bring innocent people into the conversation? Parents aren’t always in control, so they shouldn’t be blamed for what they inadvertently release into the world. Use these comebacks to target the true perpetrators of crass stupidity and all-around grumblers. Burn!

About the guest author:

Laura Buckler is a contributor to coursework writing service. She believes that everything in our life is simple and achievable and tries to help people recognize their own potential.