Twitter always comes up with some insane jokes for us to read. So here is a collection of the funniest jokes for you help having a cracking day.
Damn girl are you a Prius because you're giving me no sounds or indications that you're turned on right now
— Dustin (@DustinAHarkins) May 23, 2014
Jaiymes and the organic peach
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 8, 2015
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
— Oren S'wagner (@MrOrenWagner) August 11, 2014
i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed
— eric c (@dubstep4dads) March 28, 2014
R.I.P. Trix Rabbit. Met him in 2001. Never could conquer his demons. In a better place now. Respect.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) November 3, 2015
I'm sorry I pet your baby like a dog. I didn't know what else to do with it.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) October 30, 2015
An armadillo? Wait, you mean highway lobster?
— Tyler (@BeerBatterBeard) August 2, 2014
welcome to denny's. don't eat that brown stuff. that's tables
— Steve (@WigCannon) November 1, 2015
caught my dog eating a rock again maybe he knows something i dont about rocks
— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) November 1, 2015
GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet!
WINDOWS™: restart planet for important updates
GOD: um ok
*dinos die, man appears*
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) October 31, 2015
"You like mayonnaise? Prove it." – Costco
— chRis (@seethenare) February 23, 2015
Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
— crappystuffforjerks (@somecleverthing) October 30, 2015
In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. "I wish he'd die," says Cupcake. They all nod.
— yer pal ghost sauce (@yerpalmildsauce) June 24, 2015
*shows up late for a Starbucks job interview with Starbucks in my hands*
— Amber Clenaghen (@McNorfin) November 7, 2015
You can't lead a horse to water, and you can't make it drink. You don't have the necessary core strength.
— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) October 25, 2015