Yes, every marriage is different or so I heard, but there are certain feelings and experiences that apply to husbands and wives here, there and everywhere. Check out the 19 funny tweets below which only married people will understand.
Marriage is essentially two people taking turns pushing down the top of the kitchen garbage so they don't have to take it out.
— Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) May 20, 2016
87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 3, 2016
My wife & I just snoozed 2 separate alarm clocks for 2.5 hrs. This is the exact relationship I hoped for.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) May 18, 2016
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
"I was just about to do that chore that I see you're starting now"
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
It was while watching husband eat 9 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting that I realized I'd achieved my childhood dream of marrying Gaston.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 15, 2016
Marriage is basically shouting the word DOG at each other whilst out when you see a dog and acknowledging that it is indeed, a good dog.
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) April 10, 2016
me: HONEY COME DOWN to THE BASEMENT!
wife: are u dressed as Pickachu again?
me: NO NO, ITS AN EMERGENCY
— Mr. Peel (@Rlpihl) May 13, 2016
Me: I like the sound of that. What are you doing under those covers?
Wife: Stirring mac and cheese.
Me: oh hell yeah
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) April 14, 2016
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
Most of your time being married is spent saying, "I never heard you say that."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 11, 2016
🎶 You take the good, you take the bad, you took the leftovers, now I'm mad. 🎶
-The Facts of Wife
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 3, 2015
You: *opens mouth to say something
Me: "Shh, baby, I really don't feel like arguing right now."
— Scorpicpanda (@scorpicpanda) March 20, 2016
[watching a video of melted cheese being poured on food]
Husband: Whatcha doing?
— Jenn (@heyevergreen) April 17, 2016
My wife & I are pretty sure if we make coffee, we can stay awake to watch a movie after 9 PM. So yeah, I'd say we keep it lit.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 16, 2016
Before I got married I didn't realize "What do you want to watch?" was a rhetorical question
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 16, 2016
That moment when you turn a corner and scare the hell out of each other and then you both get mad like it was on purpose.
— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) May 6, 2016