20 Hilarious Tweets Explaining What Marriage Is All About

Marriage is a roller coaster ride with its highs and lows, and as with anything in life – the efforts of it can be taken with a dash of fun. The arguments themselves can be hilarious, especially when they arise over something minor, toilet seat up or down. Check out this list of hilarious tweets that reveal the harsh-but-funny truths of marriage and the raw nature of it.

My wife and I hit an important marriage milestone.

We had a fight entirely in fridge magnets. pic.twitter.com/sUvXbe2Fnn

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2015

I’ve reached the point in my marriage that my husband fell asleep on the couch and OMG I AM SO EXCITED I GET THE BED ALL TO MYSELF

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 15, 2017

[sitting at a table]

Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number

*thermostat negotiations*

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2018

Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.”

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 15, 2018

Still waiting for my husband to apologize for what he did in my dream last night.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 28, 2017

#MarriageIs loving someone so much you accept having horrible initials pic.twitter.com/BgNNwn2gAm

— .candice. (@sassysocialism) September 1, 2015

wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 18, 2016

*walking into store*

Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I'm just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*

Marriage level: Expert

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 17, 2017

Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

— The Alex Nevil, Thanksgiver (@TheAlexNevil) January 17, 2018

My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens

— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 17, 2015

*watching husband sleep*

Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"

*husband snores*

Me: "I can't live like this."

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016

Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 10, 2018

Establish dominance in your household by staring at your husband while you unplug his phone from the charger and plug in your own.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 23, 2017

#MarriageIs the insurance that someone will be there to criticize everything you do once your parents are out of the picture.

— Staz Trudeaux (@SheJStaz) September 1, 2015

Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.

— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) July 17, 2015

Me: I'm glad I got married. Everyone needs a sidekick.

Wife: Good point, Robin.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 22, 2017

Wife: IT’S OVER! GET OUT!

Me: Ok, good luck killing spiders

Wife: Wait

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 20, 2018