22 Seriously Messed Up Vintage Christmas Cards

Vintage Christmas Cards

People like to talk about how things are messed up now but all you have to do is look at antique Christmas cards to understand things used to be way worse, way, way worse. Like, by a lot. You’d have 10 kids and 3 of them would die of illness and 2 would be attacked and eaten by bears and stuff. No one brushed their teeth and deodorant wasn’t invented or hot water for a bath. Your only entertainment was a guy in town who could juggle and tell legends when drunk. So, during the most joyful and festive time of the year, these cards were all they could think of.

1. Yeah, a Happy Christmas if you’re the bear.

2. Emu causing a scremu.

3. Is this a threat?

4. And when I hear you start to snore, I’ll gently twerk outside your door.

5. Right before the birds stormed Frankenstein Castle.

6. This is absolutely a threat.

7. Jack Frost is canceled.

8. This from Cthulhu?

9. “Kill me!” – this thing

10. From dimension X-27.

11. A nice card from your cat.

12. This puts the “no” in “snowman”

13. The Pennywise prequel looks terrible.

14. Hail Santa.

15. The call is coming from inside the house.

16. Not sure what to say about this one but I’ll be bringing it up in therapy.

17. These pigs seem very horny.

18. My grandpa only had one testicle.

19. The Yule Tide Carolers and their backup singers Screamy and Butthole Mouth.

20. You trying to sell me roast beef?

21. If Krampus was a naughty kitty?

22. Merry LSD Trip.

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