Twitter can be a source to many things but humor on it, Priceless.
Please. My wife. She's very sick. pic.twitter.com/QGKgSSbXa5
— lanyard (@lanyardigan) January 3, 2015
There’s gotta be a few seconds during a bear attack where the bear is huggin you and you’re just like “aww.”
— Pony Starwars (@tigersgoroooar) October 27, 2014
When life is getting so deep you have to stop being a cat for a min to collect your thoughts pic.twitter.com/LvUrLWEykA
— NiGel (@SxmplyNK) July 6, 2015
HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING
— g cake (@GarrettCake) August 31, 2012
if i ever get married, i will absolutely mention wolves in my vows
— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) August 24, 2013
[please enter a password]
[password must contain at least one capital]
— ruined picnic (@ruinedpicnic) February 11, 2015
There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 15, 2012
As I'm one of Britain's leading ornithologists, here's a guide to some birds you might see in your garden this summer pic.twitter.com/SFQ5U0xRM7
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) June 8, 2015
Duck internet search history:
what is "breadwinner"
how to become breadwinner
where to win bread
— Meowrin (@marinhubka) July 30, 2014
Lobster in a bucket or MIGHTY SPACE CRUSTACEAN? pic.twitter.com/z8fWX01foF
— JD (@nevesytrof) March 13, 2015
I'm similar to a male seahorse in the following ways: 1.) cool hair 2.) baby pouch 3.) never seen an owl up close
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) April 14, 2012
I STRAIGHT UP HAVE NO IDEA HOW PORCUPINES FUCK EACH OTHER
— i aint even Bill Nye (@Bill_Nye_tho) August 31, 2012
I like to imagine that this dog has just completed a parachute jump and landed on a woman. pic.twitter.com/3wKmmtpN5X
— John (@UpturnedBathtub) February 4, 2014
– Zebra walking past a self service checkout.
— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) January 16, 2014
Elephant: remember texting last night?
E: Remember in college when u peed the bed?
E: Remember in '97-
D: We cant be friends
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) February 17, 2015
Huge if true pic.twitter.com/3ONjePepOb
— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) February 21, 2015
Buy armor for cats
Cat jousting tournaments
How to stop armored cats
Cat army how to stop
national guard phone #
— Alone Shark (@AbrasiveGhost) April 26, 2015
People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
— ghost mom (@radtoria) October 21, 2014
"I can kill your husband…. for a price" pic.twitter.com/UDCCbUeS6Y
— Lt. L.T. Deer (@tinydinosaurs) February 24, 2015
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
— hello, it's phil (@PhilJamesson) March 17, 2015
*wakes up in the middle of the night* can koalas even walk
— Blank. (@sarcasm_inc) March 13, 2015
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt. pic.twitter.com/45ScY3Rloe
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) January 21, 2015
Vet: I'm afraid were going to have to put your dog down
Me: Ok… Rex… Ur stupid
Vet:Ur the worst
Me:Ur a bad dog
Vet: Nobody likes u
— Bad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) September 16, 2014
When you go to your Girlfriends parents house for the first time… pic.twitter.com/0byaGY0VDN
— Crap Taxidermy (@CrapTaxidermy) January 22, 2015
Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) November 25, 2014
I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog.
— 2016 Jason (@longwall26) December 13, 2014
Look, that shark has a head like a big hammer
[shark leans over glass enclosure]
Look, that kid's got a nose like a frickin dildo
— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) August 28, 2014
The sweariest animal in Africa is the hippopottymouth. Closely followed by the fucking giraffe.
— Mat (@MatCro) August 15, 2014
Really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying "I can't go on. I hate my life." My roommate is too selfish to notice. Always busy crying.
— Ruthe Phoenix (@RuthePhoenix) July 8, 2014
Seems legit. pic.twitter.com/85aqOANo13
— IncrediblyRich (@IncrediblyRich) November 12, 2014
Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here.
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) March 5, 2014
If you are unsure whether your kitten is male or female try this:
– Tickle it
– If HE laughs it's a male
– If SHE laughs it's a female
— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) June 18, 2014
Janet, please, I know you're in there! Let's just talk this over! pic.twitter.com/mUKAok6hz7
— Lloyd Botters (@MrLloydSpandex) December 17, 2013
Guys, be glad that spider bit peter Parker and not a horse. I mean could you imagine, could you even imagine.
— refriend beans (@pharmasean) September 16, 2013
Had a bad day?
Life getting you down a bit?
Take a look at my 4yr olds picture of a horse.
— Twinks (@tinytwink) October 1, 2013
If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) April 15, 2012