Christmas is a time to enjoy with family and friends, but time comes when you all get to down to see some fast paced action movie to keep your spirits high and eyes and brain functioning properly. So here is a list of movies which gives you an adrenaline shot and a night to remember with your “company.”
8) Die Hard
There are people out there who are missing out on the holiday joy of watching Bruce Willis walk barefoot over broken glass every year just because they don’t realize the plot centers around an office holiday party on Christmas Eve that turns into a hostage situation. Hey, why are all these people partying on Christmas Eve? Shouldn’t they be at home? Is that what LA was like in 1988? Everyone too coked out to go home to their families on Christmas? That sounds about right.
Also, is an office holiday party really the best time to reconcile with your estranged wife? It seems like literally any other time would be a better time. Still not convinced it’s a Christmas movie? All you need to do is check the “Kringle Test” (something I made up) where you look for a character dressed as Santa. If someone is dressed as Santa, it’s a Christmas movie. Even if they’re a bullet-riddled corpse in an elevator.
Yes, Gremlins is a story about a cute little creature that spawns uglier, and substantially more deadly, creatures. But how did Gizmo show up at the Peltzer household to begin with? He was a last minute Christmas gift! Being a dad is tough (I think? I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty confident about the statement.) and there will be times when you completely forget to buy your kid a Christmas gift until the last second. So, yeah, you’re going to make some shady back-alley deals with the grandson of a Chinatown antique store owner on Christmas Eve after the aforementioned owner refuses to sell you a mysterious animal. It’s just something that’s going to happen to every dad at one point or another, so know what you’re getting into if you decide to be a father.
6) Edward Scissorhands
Characters are suddenly decorating a tree, lights are on the houses, and Edward gives the best gift anyone can offer: Straight-up killing a boyfriend who’s no good for you. Hey, how come at least one person dies in all of these movies? Is that a rule if you’re trying to make an anti-Christmas movie? I guess? I only went to college for 4.5 years to get my media studies degree, I can’t say for sure. Oh yeah, almost forgot, the whole movie’s story telling mechanic revolves around an elderly woman explaining to her granddaughter why it snows every Christmas. Uh, because you friendzoned a murderer with knives for hands and now he carves ice on a hill?
5) Batman Returns
Batman Returns is my favorite Batman movie. Just from an actor perspective, it’s tremendous. Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken and Danny DeVito. I mean, damn. We should seriously consider tearing down Mt. Rushmore and putting their faces up there instead. But what this Batman movie really has that no other Batman movie has is Christmas as a backdrop. The present-day story begins with a Christmas tree lighting ceremony and Catwoman gets to live out everyone’s holiday fantasy of blowing up a department store. Most people go to therapy, but The Penguin runs for mayor and tries to kidnap a bunch of babies. We all deal with stuff differently and everyone is just doing their best these days.
4) Trading Places
This is my favorite Christmas movie ever, A lot of laughs and full of Christmas spirit. The climax of the film happens on New Year’s Day, but the movie makes a hard stop in the middle of Christmas just long enough for a drunk Santa to crash a holiday party and try to frame someone with a bag of drugs. People put on a Santa suit this time of year and turn into goddamn animals at holiday parties. Trading Places also reminds us what’s really important: It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. All you need are people you love and an extremely intricate plan to bankrupt your enemies. Also, this is the only movie on this list where nobody dies. I mean, Dan Akryod does try to kill himself while wearing the Santa suit but fate steps in.
3) Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Die Hard gets so much attention as a “not a Christmas movie Christmas movie” that it’s easy to forget about Die Hard 2: Die Harder. This time around, exactly one year after the events of the first film, the Die Hard franchise tackles the painful experience of air travel and being stuck in an airport during the holidays.
2) Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is one of those movies people always bring up in conversations about great movies that don’t get their due. Guess what? If a movie is always in those types of conversations, I think it’s getting its due. We did it, you guys! We talked this movie’s due into existence. But with all the sharp dialogue and dizzying whodunit murder mystery, it’s easy to forget that it takes place during Christmas.
1) Lethal Weapon
Suicide continues to play a huge role throughout the story as Riggs is constantly struggling with an urge to blow his brains out. Happy holidays, you guys! There’s plenty of Christmas stuff in the background of the movie, like the fact that Riggs is doing an undercover drug deal at the beginning of the movie at a Christmas tree lot, but it’s mostly just a ton of crazy intense shit happening for 110 minutes. Fly-by murder in a helicopter, a heroin smuggling syndicate, torture, and explosions just to name a few.