Gran Turismo Movie Update

Gran Turismo Movie

The upcoming Gran Turismo movie will be an 11-hour epic of one player constantly fine-tuning the spring rates on a 1990 Mazda RX-7 FC, sources have revealed.

The long-awaited adaptation is said to eschew any actual character development, plot, story, or traditional narrative format in favor of endless footage showcasing one player grinding out credits in a medium-grey Japanese sportscar by driving around a fictional circuit for hours on end.

Early interpretations of the story saw Gran Turismo as a 12-part, big-budget prestige television series along the lines of Game of Thrones but were canned in favor of watching someone race around Grand Valley Speedway for half a day, interspersed with the occasional giant off into the barriers and a pause to reload on microwave pizza.

“We wanted to give moviegoers the most authentic Gran Turismo experience possible,” a PlayStation source told TopGear.com, “and nothing’s more ‘Gran Turismo’ than catatonically modifying chassis settings on a pixelated racing car trying to gain tenths of a second against late-Nineties videogame AI.

“Only when you’ve watched someone fine-tune a host of chassis settings in a dimly-lit room for 11 hours straight and your eyes and brain have been dried to a crisp can you experience the full gaming experience.”

Early reports have indicated the 11-hour Gran Turismo movie will pay homage to The Sopranos by ending with an off-screen parent shouting “dinosaur nuggets are ready” and then abruptly cutting straight to black.

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