In the course of our active searches for deals you surely want, we’ve also come across a few ghastly deals, too. While they’re light on the stranger side of things, we still have to accept we’re enticed to buy them on this holiest of all shopping holidays. Here are the weirdest Black Friday deals we didn’t know we wanted until we saw them.
RGB Toilet Lights | $10.39 (Save $2.60)
You’ve got RGB lighting on your keyboard and on your mouse. Why not your toilet, too? The name of this deal is “Rechargeable Toilet Bowl Night Light, 16 Colors Motion Sensor Detection LED Lights, Funny & Unique Birthday Gifts Idea for Dad, Men, Kids – Cool Fun Gadget, Best Gag Stocking Stuffers”.
The idea of an RGB toilet originally seems like it sucks, but does it really? This is the future, after all. I think, if anything, more things should be glowing. Add a bit of sci-fi to your next trip to the bathroom.
USB Otoscope-Ear Camera | $31.99 (Save $18)
Have you been blindly removing wax from your ears your whole life like some kind of chump? Well, now you can refuse—refuse to remove wax blindly with the USB Otoscope-Ear Scope Camera.
Okay, it seems gross, but much the same way I kind of want to own a stethoscope so I can listen to my own heartbeat, I also kind of want to see what going on inside my own stupid head with one of these things. Why should my doctor have all the fun? Let me peer into my own holes, too, in the comfort of my home. It’s marked down from $50 to $31.99.
Vector Robot | $86.49 (Save $163.50)
Here we are in November 2019, the time of Blade Runner, and we still don’t have our own personal replicants to do the jobs we don’t want to do and then betray us and crush our heads into red pulp with their bare hands. But while reality has fallen short of that beautiful dream, you should at least have some sort of robot in your home by now, don’t you think?
Vector Robot is selling at a deep discount and it can do things like drive around your house, tell you the weather, answer questions (it has Alexa built in), and take pictures. There’s no more flattering angle for a photo than looking up at you from floor-level, right? Right. It’s not quite the cheery Blade Runner future we were promised, but then again you probably won’t have to hunt the Vector Robot down when it goes rogue.
USB LED Clock Fan | $12.99 (Save $1)
It’s a meager dollar off, but a spinning fan with the time projected on it you can plug into a USB port is excellent for two reasons. First, there’s just something mesmerizing about watching time moving inexorably away as we march ever closer to the endless oblivion of the grave, and now you can watch it happen as you stare into fast-spinning blades. It’s as if your very life is being chopped and diced by that whirling fan, second by second.
Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots: Batman vs. Superman | $19.49 (Save $5.50)
There’s probably not a more mediocre adaptation of a graphic novel than the film Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, which took the premise of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and shit all over it with three hours of Jesse Eisenberg spasms and chuckles.
But now you can host your own adaptation. This time, you can make them fight for the right reasons, forget that in the movie Superman was framed for shooting a bunch of people in the desert, skip over Bruce Wayne’s long fever dreams that were a feeble attempt to set up the DC cinematic universe, and do away entirely with the stupid “My Mom was named Martha too!” revelation. The best part is, your Batman vs. Superman battles will be over in a few seconds and won’t take a whole evening to get through.
The former home of Sierra On-Line founders ($2.3 million)
If you’re looking for a bit of gaming history, and if you have $2.3 million dollars, and if you don’t mind using it on a house with five bedrooms and only one full bathroom—but also five half-bathrooms—have I got a Black Friday deal for you! The former California home of Sierra On-Line founders Ken and Roberta Williams is up for sale.
It does look nice, a huge 6,600 square feet situated on five acres, and there’s an indoor racquetball court with an Apple logo engraved on the floor, which is exactly the type of thing a rich person who doesn’t know how to use money would spend money on. There’s also a dance floor for when you’re feeling a bit Leisure Suit Larry. There’s no established Black Friday markdown, but this is real estate: I wager you can haggle a few hundred thousand off the listed price.